Had the talk.

I finally worked up the inclination to communicate with my other half. I took the hard route. I always avoided the things that required talking to other people because it is too hard. I always chose the path of least resistance when it came to people. Others see it as a weakness or inability to confront. It's neither, I just don't like dealing with people. People are too complex-in the wrong way, they read too much into everything and they personalize everything and they think it's all about them. Not everything is about you people! But nevertheless, I talked to my husband about what was on my mind, and true to form, he went into his 'fix it' mode again and trying to 'explain' to me why I felt the way I felt. And I politely stopped him and told him it's not about that and I would like him to be a impartial listener, pretend that I am a friend and your friend is spilling his guts to you. He understood and actually heeded the advice. It was strangely liberating. I suppose the old adage about giving someone a chance, they might surprise you is true. 

I told him that I want to be able to communicate 'housekeeping' matters to him because I really don't have anyone else to tell. I am not one to burden other people with the unsavory minutiae details of my household. It's not fair to the people in the house to have their private lives exposed, and my husband, always a private person appreciated the fact that I went to him mainly because I don't want to talk to others. We ended the conversation by him saying he was glad that I chose to communicate with him. It was a pleasant surprise and very in keeping with the theme of Lent, by inviting those you feel alienated from back into your heart and I felt I have done that with my husband. I don't want this invisible wall to come up between us and 10 years later, I won't be able to stand the sight of him because I have so much resentment. I can now understand how people get divorced after 30 years of marriage-resentment, simmering unresolved unsaid resentment, so much resentment that it blocks the whole room. And this is how it starts, with small what you believe are insignificant housekeeping matters. So, I want to avoid all that.

What's the moral of this story? Never write anyone off.